My experience with bullying happened at an age that I thought bullying did not happen anymore. I thought it was something that happened on the playground or your freshman year of high school. It was something that if you were lucky enough to evade it in your early years of life, you were in the clear once you hit adulthood.
I was working a job that I loved, but it was not meeting my long-term needs or goals financially. One of my clients, whom I had worked with for years, knowing my work ethic and skill set, offered me a position with the firm for which she was the office manager. After weeks of thinking on it, I decided to take her up on her offer on a part time basis. I still wanted to keep the job that I enjoyed so much, but how could I pass up the opportunity to work with one of my favorite clients? It started great. I had the best of both worlds and had some extra money in my pocket. She was wonderful to me, almost like a work mother. After some time, the owner of the company offered me a full time position with benefits. This was the job I had been wishing for and met all of the goals I had set for myself long term. I made the decision to accept the position and just work my initial job part time on the weekends as I really did love it and did not want to give it up.
About a month after I made the switch, my new office manager decided she did not want to be a client at the job I had met her. I, of course, asked her to reconsider, but she had made up her mind. Rumors began and because everyone loved her as much as I did, I was the one to blame. No one would talk to me when I was at work and my work friends would not return my phone calls. I cried myself to sleep at night wondering why they thought I could be responsible and why this could be the demise of what I thought were great relationships. After a month of tension-filled weekends, I decided to give my letter of resignation. I just couldn’t take feeling like an outsider and the situation was definitely not improving.
I felt relieved and felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders after I left. The new firm was great. As a small office of only six employees, we were constantly busy. I began to see a not-so-nice side of my office manager. I chalked it up to her having a bad few days and tried to cheer her up. A few bad days turned into bad months and pretty soon all the hard work I was putting in was not good enough. It started small, a criticism for each report that I had submitted. I would apologize and correct it to what she wanted each time. When I would come in I would wish her “good morning” and be completely ignored. She would compliment other coworkers on their clothes or something they had done, but never had a kind word for me. Pretty soon my coworkers followed her lead and would not even talk to me. There would be whispers and the laughing in her office and then everyone would walk past me. She even began to make negative comments about what I would bring for lunch, as I could not afford to buy lunch out every day. I spoke to the owner of the company about how I was feeling and later that night I received a text from my office manger calling me a “tattle tale”. After that, when she would start in on me he would leave the office for “appointments” and stay away for the rest of the day. I would come in some days to find my already neat and tidy desk completely reorganized. My paychecks began to be docked an incorrect amount for my insurance. When I brought this to her attention she told me it was “my problem”. It took three months for this issue to be sorted out and every payday was stressful. Payday should never be stressful. The stories go on and on. The one that sticks out in my mind the most was the one time I called in sick because I had a horrible cold. I received harassing texts the entire day asking where things were and berating me for taking a day off when there was so much to be done. So the next day, still feeling awful, I decided to tough it out and go in. When I walked through the door she told me “my head would roll” if she ended up sick.
My husband encouraged me many times to quit. I knew we needed the money and did not want her to be the reason that I had given up the job I had worked so hard for and wanted so badly. So for the next four and a half years I drove into work with a huge knot in my stomach. In this time she had began taking credit for my work while she played games on her computer all day and had started a file in her desk with my name on it where she kept any mistake I had ever made, even the tiniest of grammatical errors. I tried everything to change her attitude towards me. I would treat the office to lunch and I always remembered her on her birthday and other special occasions. This would maybe get me a week of a peaceful work environment. I tried to remain upbeat and positive and not let anyone see the anxiety and panic attacks I was suffering due to the mental terrorism. I even reconnected with a girl that I had been friends with at my initial job only to learn that the reason I was alienated by my coworkers was because my now office manager had told them that I was bad-mouthing my previous place of employment to her (not true).
In the same week that the owner of the company had notified us that he was going to be moving the location of the office, I found out that I was pregnant. I decided that this was the perfect time to end my employment there and seek out something far less stressful. Two weeks after I left, the owner of the company called me to let me know that she also had quit. The workload that she had to take on from my absence was too much and he was not willing to give her a raise. She was in the process of blackmailing him for an extremely generous severance package. He asked if I would be willing to come back and help him find and train a suitable replacement. I did and left the company when I went on maternity leave on good terms with my employer.
I question myself now as to why I chose to stay as long as I did. Surely money isn’t enough to make someone go through such a horribly stressful experience?? At the time it felt like a life-or-death decision. I shed so many tears and had so many bad days because I felt so helpless and so alone. Worst of all, I felt like it was something I had done. I now know the only mistake that I made was letting her feel that I needed her approval. I gave her control of my emotions. I wish someone had been there to tell me that this was bullying and that one of my fellow coworkers- or even the company’s owner- would have been more supportive or had stood up for me. Bullying truly does not discriminate. It can happen at any stage of life in any environment. I am choosing to make this experience a positive one. It will be something that I can carry with me to help me be kinder and more patient to others as well as to help others who are going through similar situations not feel as though they are alone or are at fault in any way. 
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