Every child has the right to go to school to learn, grow,
and flourish in a safe environment. Every parent deserves peace of mind that
when they send their child away, they will be looked after, taken care of and
respected. Every educator should feel they are equipped with the tools to be a
major factor in putting an end to bullying in their classrooms and schools.
Since the beginning of my blogs and videos I’ve received messages
weekly from parents, teachers, and children themselves- asking for advice. I, in
no way, claim to be an education professional, nor do I claim to know all the
answers to the questions with which I am faced. I do, however, know how to help you
find them. Some of the common concerns I see repeatedly are “My child is being
bullied. I have told the school and they do nothing to stop it.” Or “I am a
teacher and I feel we need better policies set in place to help students that
are being bullied- I feel like my hands are tied. What are some cheap ways to
introduce bully prevention to my classroom?” In this three part blog I hope to answer some
of these questions for you!
One thing I want to express to both teachers and parents
alike is, just because a policy has been set in place or it’s a policy that has
“always been” does not mean it is the right way to deal with things. Educators, if you feel you have a better solution than the ones set in place I really
encourage you to get involved. You never know when YOU are the one that will
save a life. We are seeing more and more
children younger and younger taking their own lives over being bullied. This is
a very serious mental and physical health concern and you are at the front line
of the battle. In one of my later blog series I plan to introduce a teacher
that has an amazing way to deal with raising awareness in her school- I also
have a few ideas too… but let me get back to the main purpose of this blog for
now!
OK parents- you have come to the conclusion your child is
being targeted. Either they have told you or you are seeing the signs. You are
aware of what constitutes being bullied
and want know “Now what?”
Three common
reactions from parents include:
1. Telling their child to stand up to the bully.
2. Telling their child “Just ignore them.”
3. The parents take matters into their
own hands.
More times than not, in a true bullying situation these words of
advice sadly will be ineffective. They also imply “hey you’re on your own to
deal with this…” and for a child or teen that may be fearful of their bullies
this doesn’t do any good. As for the last response – taking the matter into your
own hands- it really is better to go through the school first and I’ll share
the right way to do this.
It’s important for
your child to know they are not alone. That you will be there to help them
get through this. They should also know they do not bear the full
responsibility to stop the bullying. They should also know NO ONE deserves to be bullied.
One common thing I
see is that the children do not want their parents to get involved. Here is
where your parenting skills will be tried. You need to let them know you are on
their team, the last thing you want is to make matters worse. Mom and dad you need to keep your word and
not lose your cool over these situations no matter how heart breaking they may
be. It’s better to be working behind
the scenes. At all costs you must gain your child’s trust. You are his family
and are not going anywhere. While you are working behind the scenes encourage
self-advocacy in that they speak up for themselves and tell people what they
need- even if that’s help.
Another common message I get is, “My son/daughter keeps
trying to tell their teacher and they keep saying oh that’s just how middle
school kids act – just ignore them.” I think it’s very important that we teach
our children how to effectively communicate with adults. Remember, your child
is not the only student in the room. These teachers have a lot on their plates.
Teach them to speak in a way that will
get the teachers attention, something like “Mrs. Jones, I’d really like
to talk to you about something that’s really upsetting to me.” Or “ Mr. Smith, I have something important I want to tell you.” If they do not get a fair
response, then tell them to talk to another teacher or the principal and to not
give up.
So what can YOU do?
First things first, as a parent I know our first instinct is for 'mama / daddy
bear' to rear its ugly head and start to roar… BUT for the sake of your child
you really need to stay calm. Especially when talking to the school. Next- document EVERYTHING! These records can
help you keep track of all events when emotions may run high. These records
should be FACTUAL and based on ACTUAL events- try to leave opinions out. I know you may be tempted to refer to the
bully with another name besides the one he was given by his mother but try not
to! ;)
These records should
include:
- · Information/details about the bullying incidents
- · Date/location of the events
- · All people involved
- · Child's account of the event
- · All communication with professionals, as well as the date of these conversations.
- · Responses of professionals
- · Action Taken
- · Reports filed by the school in accordance with their policy or state law.
- · Any pictures of physical evidence or medical reports
It is very important
to contact the school with each incident. Don’t be discouraged if they
downplay your concerns- remember this is your child and if you are not going to
fight for them- who will? BUT I can’t stress enough to try to stay calm!! ( I know,
easier said than done.)
There are letters you can find online that are
basically fill in the blank that will help you write to the school. Here is a link to one that PACER’s has come up with. Make sure you
keep a copy of these letters too. If it’s not in writing, it does not exist! It may also be more helpful to meet face- to- face. Request a meeting with the teacher and principal.
It's important to know schools do have a legal responsibility to look in to all matters when it comes to bullying and harassment especially if the incident includes students with disabilities. They are also to provide an immediate and prompt inquiry into the matter and take appropriate action. They are to keep written documents of the investigation. They are to eliminate any unsafe or hostile environment and keep this from reoccurring.
In part 2 we will talk more about state laws, you and your child's legal rights, and when bullying become harassment.
Until next time...
"Be Kind. Make a Difference"
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