As a new hygienist, I knew it would be critical that I went
through training. I knew it would be an adjustment being right out of school. I
also knew it would be important that the office manager be involved in my
day-to-day office duties and overlook the work I was doing; all normal for a
dental office setting. I worked at this
particular office for about six months. The last three months were some of the
most difficult and life-changing months that I was going to encounter as I
found myself the target of repetitive bullying… as an adult.
It started out with a simple, "Nicole, can you stay
after work for a couple minutes? There’s something I want to talk to you
about." These after- work meetings started
out with criticism of my work, so I thought nothing of it. I didn’t take it
personally; I fixed what I had made mistakes on and made sure I improved. I
worked so hard to make sure I won over the approval of my manager. It was so
important to me that I not only did a great job as a clinician, but also that
she liked me. Things never seemed to go in my favor. The criticism went from
bad to worse. Every detail was being watched and unfairly scrutinized. These
"meetings" went from once in a while to a few times a week. I was told that I was doing something wrong
every single day; some things I didn’t even have control over. I was getting
“talked” to about things that other staff were doing without hassle. As time went on, I began to
be ignored daily. I was made to work in a back room operatory to create
isolation from the rest of the office. The examples could go on and on…of what I went through. Finally,
I brought up my concerns that these things were occurring and asked if I had
done something wrong. I just made it
worse on myself. It was like I opened up Pandora’s Box. The final straw was when I was asked to come into work early. I was taken into the
back room for a "meeting" again. I was told to sit down and was literally
screamed at like I was a child. It was the most unprofessional and intimidating
experience I've ever had. I was stunned and shocked. I wanted to run out; to quit. But, I knew I had bills to pay; I had
groceries to buy; I had family to help. I really needed this job. I was
literally stuck... and she knew that. So I sat there and silently took it.
The rest of the day was very difficult for me. I could barley concentrate. Later that day the office manager decided to buy everyone lunch - well everyone BUT me. My schedule was altered to make sure I was working through lunch. And so I did. That night I wrote an email to the owner and explained
everything that had been going on in the past few weeks. I wrote things out in
detail. At one point I actually felt bad for my office manager because I didn’t
really want her to get in trouble; I just wanted the behavior to stop, and to be treated fairly. Instead, I received a one- sentence response a
few days later that read "Nicole. Stop creating white lies." There
may have been a little more after that, but I was in such shock I don't
remember it. I couldn't believe an owner of a business was going to allow this
behavior to go on at their own practice; that a woman was going to keep letting
this happen in her company to another woman. After talking to my parents and
telling them everything, I decided it was time to move on. I searched and
searched for a new opportunity. All the while, I was still walking in there
with my head held high- not knowing what form of psychological torture was in
store for me that day. Inside, my
stomach would hurt. I suffered terrible headaches. I was a nervous wreck. By this time, she had
gotten the other employees to ignore me also. She ran the office with scare
tactics. I had reached out to a few of my co- workers for support, but just as I was
putting up with this bullying because I needed the job, they similarly didn't
want to get involved and jeopardize their situation. They all expressed how bad they felt, but I
understood. So I went to work every day knowing that even though people were
there- they would be ignoring me; knowing I was alone in this. It affected everything;
how I felt about myself; about my skills as a clinician. It made me question whether this was even the
right career for me. It was absolutely heartbreaking.
Things eventually got better for me: I found a new office
that hired me. The only problem was I
had one month until they needed me! So I stayed and endured the bullying… three
and a half months in total. I had a smile in my heart walking in there every
day knowing I was going to a better place. I used that new opportunity as my
light at the end of the tunnel. I went in, worked, did what I needed to do- to
the best of my abilities -and then left for the day, trying to leave everything
at the office. The only people who knew what I was going through were my
co-workers and my parents. I was too ashamed and embarrassed to tell others.
Not even my closest friends.
After I left, there were some residual effects. I found
myself being overly defensive at my new job and even at home. I had become
accustomed to fighting for myself. I grew and healed as time went on… and still
goes on. I stayed at my new office until I had my son 4 years later. Working at
the new office put my previous experience in context; it helped me realize that
it wasn't my fault. I could be
successful and I was, in fact, a great hygienist. The things that came up as
problems at that first office never came up here, and although it was a
terrible experience at the time, I now see it has made me stronger.
At times, my mind will still wander back to those
challenging times and I’ll wonder why that happened to me or what I could have
done differently. Strangely enough, I’ll
even try to think if there was anything I could have done to get her to like
me! Then I snap out of it. I remind myself of my wonderful place in life now and
how I’ve made a negative into a positive. I now see that these experiences have
given me such a unique perspective to make a difference in this world. Where I
used to see embarrassment, I now see empowerment.
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