Sticks & Stones

I used to hate that old saying, we all know it, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I used to think to myself something must be wrong with me because words definitely hurt and they hurt bad. When you are younger and you scrape your knee or fall, you pretty much forget about it after a few minutes and you move on. But words- those were different for me. Things people said to me stuck with me. To this day I can remember things that were said to me- and I also remember how they made me feel. Especially if an adult was the one saying it to me. For example, when I was younger, I was a cheerleader- big surprise right? I was very proud of what I did. I was very proud of being involved with a group and all the hard work we put into our routines and cheers. I was so proud of my uniform and my clean white shoes, and I was even more proud when we got to wear our uniforms to school! Now I am talking grade school- I was in 4th grade at the time, our uniforms consisted of bulky sweaters and skirts pretty much down to our knees. I couldn't wait for the day to begin. I walked into the class room and I remember the teacher just looking at me, almost like she was going to say something to me. I thought "Well, I'm sure she is going to compliment me on my uniform" that I was so proud of, but she didn't. Instead she looked mad at me- or that's how I felt at least. We were learning long division at the time and it didn't come easy to me but I still had some joy in trying to figure it all out. We were asked to do problems up at the board. I always felt so embarrassed when it came time for that because I was always the last one up there. It created anxiety for me and I can remember always having such a fast heart beat and literally sweating. This time was no different, one by one my classmates took their seats as they finished and then there was me. I can feel everyone staring into my back as I struggled to remember the rules. I remember my hands shaking and finally, I looked to my teacher with tears in my eyes and I said to her " I just don't know it Mrs. So&So." To which she replied, "Well, maybe you wore your cheerleading uniform to school today and left your brain at home. Go sit down." Of course the whole classroom broke out in laughter- because that's what kids do. Especially when encouraged by an adult. I can't remember the lesson that took place after that, but I do remember sitting there with tears falling down my warm face. Staring down at my desk, I just wanted to disappear.  I never volunteered to go up to the board again after that. 

I didn't die from that experience or drop out or anything dramatic, and I'm sure if asked, this teacher may not have any clue what I was talking about- but I never forgot it. People's words are so powerful. Just as they can encourage and build up they can deflate and break down. I'd like to report as an adult I am past the point where words hurt me... but, I'm not. Just recently as a matter a fact, I had something happen. At the time my son was 11 months old and we had just finished his weekly music class. I stick around afterwards and let him play with his classmates while I talk with a few of the moms. I was in the middle of telling one of the mothers about something my son had just done the night before when I was interrupted by a mom who had walked across the whole room to address me. She cut into the conversation " I'm sorry did you say HE?" I replied "Yes. My son" as I pointed over to him proudly. She then goes- "Oh! HE looks like a girl! I had no idea he was a boy!" as she chuckled looking to the other moms for approval. No one said anything. I could feel myself getting warm. I remained calm and said, " No he doesn't," in the nicest "Mom" voice I could, still smiling. She cuts me short and says "Yes. Yes he does! His face- it's like a girls." Of course I wanted to scream at this lady and maybe jump at her, but I maintained my composure, because all the other moms were looking to see what I was going to do - in a short 20 seconds I had a decision to make.  I chose to deal with it calmly and to take the higher road. I told her - with that same smile,  "You know that's not a really nice thing to say. How would you like it if I said your little girl looks like a little boy-  it's just not very nice. And if you feel that way, next time you should probably keep your opinions to yourself because your words and how you say them can really hurt someone's feelings." Silence in the group. She gave me a half snarky apology - not because she wanted to, but because she just felt the need to say something.  I said I accepted, but I know, and the other moms knew, she was trying to be mean. I felt embarrassed that had just happened to me, and mostly I felt bad for my son. I felt deflated after a comment like that. I know most people would tell me - "Oh don't worry! Don't let that one comment bother you," but we're all human and that one comment did bother me - I felt a little deflated for the rest of the day. However, I felt proud of myself with how I dealt with the situation. It could've gone a much different way- for sure. I could have let my temper get the best of me, but I was in front of the children and my son, and I wanted to set a good example.  This just goes to show you that anybody can be a victim of hurtful, deliberate actions. I was doing nothing wrong. I was minding my business and hurtful intentions found their way to me, for no reason other than to just be plain old mean.

 The situation was a really good reminder of two things 1. Adults can be put in a situation similar to children, and 2. It validated why I'm doing what I'm doing - with my blog- why I'm on this mission...Why I strive to be the best version of myself daily, and why I want to help people. Young kids are like sponges- think about what you say to them and the lessons you teach them. Make it so they remember you for the good you brought out in them, not the embarrassment or negativity you can cause.  I love this saying I once heard on the radio while I was driving, " Before you speak think is it kind, necessary and true? If not, you don't need to say it." I challenge you all, myself included, to live by these simple words everyday...What a difference we could all make.